Thursday already

Hard to believe it's Thursday already. I'm glad the week is going by fast.



I was up 1.8 lbs at TOPS last night. I really don't think I ate that much extra food this week so I'm hoping it will come back off by next weigh-in. I walked last night before TOPS so that totaled 14 miles of walking/jogging this week (6 out of 7 days) which I thought was pretty good. I still have 2 more weeks to go before I can go back to weight training. I told myself I wasn't going to go to the gym till then so I won't be tempted to do more than I'm suppose to. So for not it's just walking/jogging.



I finally got to talk to my best friend last night. It sounds like she's been really busy but good. She seems to be enjoying her new body. We talked again a lot about plastic surgery, it seems to be her favorite topic lately lol.



Yesterday I read someone's blog and it really struck me. He was saying he was quitting doing his weight loss blog because he wanted to start living his real life and that it was just taking up too much of his time and he was to obsessed over it. I sometimes feel a bit overwhelmed with all the blogs I follow and keeping mine updated but I also realize that this serves a purpose for me. This is my social group, a group of people that are similar to me and have similar struggles that I can relate to.

Also, I have so few friends in real life that I really do consider everyone here my friends even if I haven't met anyone in person. I know we all have to make our own personal choices when it comes to this stuff. I do think that I'm going to cut back in the evenings so I can go to bed earlier and spend a little more time with hubby. So I'm not quitting by any means but I do plan on trying to do more real life stuff too. With anything it's about balancing what's important and I do think this blog is important to me.

Till tomorrow...

Doing ok

Well work hasn't been bad this week so far. The first day the boss kept asking was I ok and that I could leave if I wanted to but I stuck it out the whole day. I didn't have anything complicated to do so it was just mindless work which was kind of nice first day back. Today and yesterday it's been more of the same. With all the changes here at work it's getting kind of scary. Several people will be leaving this week which is never a nice thing. I'm hoping everything doesn't fall apart but what will be will be I guess. I'm trying not to stress over it.

I walked Monday and Tuesday after I got home which felt really good. So that was 5 out of 6 days. I plan on trying to get a walk in tonight before TOPS. My walks have been so nice, everything is blooming and it was great enjoying every one's beautiful yards. The azaleas are just wonderful. They are blooming in my yard too, I have about 8 of them all different colors. Mine are still small though.

I did take a peek at the scale the other day and it showed me up a few lbs. I've been eating more this week so I know where it's coming from. I'm hoping with plenty of water today weigh-in will show me staying the same at least. I try to tell myself I'm not going to stress over it but I always seem to. I need to work on that. The past few nights I've just found myself wanting to eat. I'm sure it's stress related with going back to work and all the changes at the office. It's all pretty scary and it's just normal for me to want to turn to food. I feel like my walks are helping but not at 10-11 at night. I need to try to go to bed earlier and get more sleep.

I've been emailing with my niece. Some of you may remember I had a falling out with her a few months ago. Well she sent me a sweet card when I was home recovering and we've been emailing with each other since then. I'm glad we are back talking. She's now about 4 hours from me so we are talking about a visit.

I haven't talked to my best friend but once while I was still in the hospital. Not sure why really, I think I need to give her a call tonight or tomorrow.


I got great news in the mail yesterday, my surgery and hospital stay has all been covered by my old insurance like they said it would be so no worries there. I still have old medical bills coming in but I'm feeling a little better about it all. Still not happy with the new insurance but not much I can do about that.

Well I need to get to work.

Till later...

Back to work tomorrow

Well it's back to work for me tomorrow. I can't say I'm looking forward to it. I've been moody this evening thinking about it. Back to my old routine just doesn't seem thrilling to me lol. I think I could have went for another week off but such is life.

My weekend has been nice. Friday I went to lunch with hubby and it was really nice. We don't get to go out much alone. We went to an Indian place and it was just yummy. I did end up eating 2 big bowls of rice pudding though and then just wanted to eat junk the rest of the day. It seems when I allow myself sweets I just want more junk stuff.

After I got back I went out and racked out my last flower bed of leaves and weeds and stuff. The yard looks so pretty with all the flowers everywhere and the bushes starting to bloom. I have lived here 11 yrs and have had this little tree out front that I had no idea what it was. In the fall it always looks really pretty with its fall colors but otherwise it's not much to look at. Well low and behold it is blooming right now and it turns out it's a white dogwood. I've always wanted a pink one but it's kind of cool realizing I do actually have one at least. The wisteria is blooming too it's really pretty but so darn wild and the bees just love it. At least it's way in the front yard so we won't get stung.

Yesterday I got up and got my walk in before the girl had her relay races. It was pretty hot, in the 80's yesterday, thankfully the relay races were over quick and we just left after she was done. Later in the evening we had another bonfire outback after it cooled off and roasted hotdogs and marshmallows. We are really getting our moneys worth out of that firepot I bought. It's like camping in the backyard.

We got talking about real camping so I want to plan another trip to Shenandoah VA for sometime in the summer. You are so high up there that its really great weather, 50-70 during the day and in the 40's at night. Guess maybe in July or August we will go for a long weekend. I really loved the hiking there it was really beautiful with all the waterfalls. Just beautiful scenery everywhere.

Today the girl had a Birthday party to go to so I took her to that. It was outside so I just dropped her off, that was my first time doing that. She's growing up so fast. The party was on a farm with horses so she had a horse ride which was pretty cool for her. It was almost 100 today but I did go and take my walk. It wasn't too bad on my road since the bay is at the end it has a nice breeze blowing up it.

So I've walked everyday this week so far but Friday. I haven't ate the best this week so not sure I will see a lose on Wednesday but I'm not going to worry about it. I'm still not counting calories though I do find myself trying to sometimes lol. I still have 2 1/2 more weeks to go before I can try weight training again. I really do miss it a lot but I know I will have to start off easy when I start again. Will almost be like starting over I'm guessing.

I realized in the past few days I have no summer clothes that fit me. I've never been a big shorts person and I hate short sleeve shirts because of my turkey wings lol. But I think I'm going to venture out this week and do a little shopping. I really need to go through my bedroom again and get rid of stuff that doesn't fit too. I need to do some summer shopping for the kids too.

The doctors appt went fine on Thursday other than me showing up a hour and a half late. I'm not sure what I was thinking I'm usually so good about appts. But they fit me in so it was ok. The doctor just told me to put alcohol on my belly button incision. I thought that would burn but it's already healed up pretty good from just a few days doing that. My big incision is healed up pretty good too. It's still hurts some if I wear clothes on it all day but I'm sure in a few weeks it will be better. I plan on wearing soft clothes on it this week at work so hopefully it won't be to bad. At the end of the appt the doctor took both my hands and told me again how proud he was of me and to keep up the great work. He's the nicest doctor. You find so few that really get how hard it is to lose weight. Seems most think you should just be able to do it.

I'm feeling sad about my son and not being able to send him to therapy all this time. Now it's looking like with the new insurance I'm not going to be able to afford it. So I guess I will just try to take him to regular therapy a few times a month. I guess some is better than none. I'm not sure what else to do. Makes me upset we've had so many changes and things are getting so tight for us. That's been on my mind a lot too lately. Feels like we don't even have insurance anymore with the huge deductible (4K).

I haven't had any big ah ha moments this week to talk about. I've just been going along.

Thanks for all the nice comments I really look forward to what everyone has to say. I need to get caught up with everyone. The past few days I've not been on much.

Till tomorrow...

Weigh-in Wednesday

Thanks for all the nice comments yesterday about Patches. After I posted hubby came home and we buried him out front between our other 2 cats that have passed away in the past 3 yrs. The kids did ok with it all. After they got home from school we went out with a yellow silk rose and put it on his grave and said a little prayer. It's so tough losing pets.

Today I went to therapy. I've been struggling with several things lately, my body issues are one of them especially since surgery and having this rumpled up mid-section. I had a big crying spell with hubby over it. To think I will have to wear a camisole under my clothes otherwise you can see my rumpledness makes me so sad. I feel like I've worked so hard to lose this weight and I like my body less now than when I was big. Well my therapist made me realize that I have to learn acceptance because it sure could be so much worse than it is, that I am alive and healthy and getting stronger everyday. I can't say that it all magically took away my dislike for the loose skin and now the incision but it did make me feel somewhat better.

I stopped by work today too for more paperwork stuff. It was nice seeing everyone and of course I got to show off my gallstone trophy, everyone was very impressed lol. I will be going back to work on Monday. It sure doesn't feel like I've been off almost a month, the time just seemed to flew by.

Tonight was TOPS, I'm leader now so I did a program on the new TOPS workbook. I know most of what's in it but still a great refresher for us all. I weighed in at 214.4 so had a 1.4 lb lose this week. I'm feeling soooo good about not counting calories and how good things have went in the past 3 weeks. I'm really thinking I've found a better way for myself at least for now.

I'm really missing the gym but not the treadmill. I've been loving my real walks. I went yesterday before the kids got home so I would be prepared for the talk about Patches. It just feels so great being outside. Today it rained on and off so I didn't get a walk in but I was out and about. Tomorrow I will get my walk in if it doesn't rain again.

Well the nephew pulled a stunt of not coming home when he really didn't have lacrosse practice. When he got home and I confronted him he didn't come clean right away till he realized I knew the deal. He said he went and hung out with a few friends in a parking lot. So we had little choice but to take the car away for a few days. It wasn't just this time but that we have told him at least 5 times now he has to have a working cell phone with him at all times and we never seem able to reach him. Anyway, he seemed to take it pretty well knowing if he gave us a hard time he would lose the car longer. Having a teenager is a learning experience to say the least. He's a really good kid though so I really can't complain to much.

I see my doctor tomorrow. My incision at my belly button isn't looking good. I don't think it's nothing serious but maybe he can give me something for it so it will heal up. I'm going to have another talk about my rumpled stomach but I have a feeling it just is what it is. He had said it was fluid but it's pretty clear not all of it is. Such is life and just something I have to live with. Maybe over months it will even out more as I lose more weight, I'm going to try to stay hopeful.

Well till tomorrow...

Old Man Patches

Almost 13 yrs ago my husband brought Patches and his other 2 cats to live with me. I had my sweet little Siamese girl Tinker so having hubby and 3 new cats living with us was an adjustment. Tinker decided to live in the bedroom and I tried to make the best of it.

From the beginning Patches made it clear he was the boss of the cats and the house. He would cry at the others when they didn't do what he wanted and nip them on the neck. He would get jealous if we petted them and not him. He would growl and go on at us if we moved our feet in bed when he was trying to sleep. I remember him and I having our first go around, him sitting on my bed and him deciding he wasn't moving. So he decided to bit my arm and I decided to swat his butt with a towel.

He was ornery from day one. But I loved him anyway. When company came to our house he would get all mad and crazy and sometimes actually bite people on the ankles. He was like a grouchy old man even when he was 2 or 3 yrs old. We would have to shut him in a room sometimes because people were afraid of him like he was a rabid dog or something.

In the past few years he spent most of his time on the back of my recliner shaking the occasional ear goo on my head. He had also started to break his box training and it seemed an endless battle that often left me upset with him.

But he was our old man Patches and he did have a sweet side. He would come and want loving and butt his head against you till you obliged him with a scratch under the chin or a pet on the head. He had a cute little noise he made when he wanted your attention. He had beautiful swirly markings all over him in brown and black with white paws, a white streak down his nose and a cute pink nose.

Well this morning our old man Patches took his last breath. I petted him and talked to him and told him I loved him as my tears fell on his little head. I really did love him in spite of it all. He was 15 yrs old. As I sit here balling my eyes out I wish I had petted him more, excepted his grouchy ways better, just loved him more.

I will miss you old man Patches...

Time flies

Time sure flies by it seems, it's already Monday (Tuesday technically). I got in a walk Friday, Saturday and Sunday for a total of 7 miles. I think that was pretty good. I even did a little jogging part of the way. I can feel my strength coming back but still not totally. I think the big thing these days is just soreness around my incision areas. I'm hoping this week will heal them up totally so I'll be good to go next week when I go back to work.

Friday we had a really nice time having a little bonfire outback. My co-worker came over so it was good catching up on things going on at work now, all the new changes. I'm still not happy about the insurance changes but they are what they are. Hopefully with time maybe we will be able to get better insurance but I'm not holding my breath.

Sunday after my walk I did some gardening and got most of my flower beds raked and weeded. I can't do a lot of bending over but I did pretty good. I have one large flower bed to go and then the front yard will be all done. We still need to mulch but that should be a hubby/nephew job and not to bad. It's looking so Springy in my yard, I'm loving it.

Today after I got the kids on the bus I just relaxed. It felt really weird being home alone. I can't remember the last time I had a day home to myself. The younger two had a dentist appt so I did have to go out in the rain but it was still nice having all those hours to myself. To think I have a whole week of this lol I'm sure it will fly by way to quickly.

I'm hoping the rain is gone tomorrow so I can go for my walk, I missed it today.

Well it's 2am I guess I better think about going to bed.

Till tomorrow...

My Trophy

Well there it is, the famous gallstone. I've put it up next to a large regular egg. Everyone I show it to is in awe of my goose egg size trophy. I still can't believe I didn't have more problems because of it. I'm sure I have been growing that gallstone most of my life. It's good to have it in my purse instead of my gut lol.

Well today was beautiful, in the 60's with lots of sun. I stayed up late again last night and slept in late. Then in the late afternoon I took the kids to Walmart and we bought some flowers for the porch.

A few days ago my son had come in and talked about all the wild onions he had dug up in the yard. Well low and behold when I went outside today I realized he hadn't dug up onions but instead my gladiolas lol. So I had him help me replant them all and the new flowers. He also picked out some flowers to go in his flower bed in front of his bedroom window. I just let him have at it and he planted everything on his own. He did a very good job. I was proud of him.

I didn't go for a walk today other than around walmart and in the yard. The gardening though gave me some exercise so I didn't feel bad. Tomorrow though I will go for a good walk. Maybe the kids and I will go to the park too. We got stuff to have a little firepot bonefire in the backyard tomorrow night too. We haven't done that since the Fall so the kids are excited. Is Spring really here? It sure feels like it now with all the flowers.

So hubby and I made it to TOPS last night. It went well and I weighed in at 215.8, a new low for me. I'm feeling really good about everything. I think this time home recovering is showing me that I can control my eating and stay on track. It doesn't feel like an endless weekend like I thought it would. I'm realizing that even though I don't have my exercise like I did I can invest my energy in eating right at least.

I haven't counted calories at all while I've been home. I keep wondering if counting calories is something I can let go of for awhile. I wonder if I was so obsessed with counting that I let it stress me out sometimes. I think from here on I'm going to just do like I've been doing and not worry about it. I'm going to just focus on eating whole foods, more fruits and veggies, etc and stop eating when I feel full. I figure the calories will always be there if I ever feel I need to go back to counting them.

Last night after TOPS hubby and I did go out to dinner. We went to a Mexican place and it was very enjoyable. I've come to realize that I don't have to finish everything on my plate. I'm actually feeling good about not eating everything on my plate lately and just paying more attention to what my body is telling me.

It's been an adjustment for me with the surgery and being off my feet but I know I will eventually get back to my old routine, I do miss my exercise. I know I will continue to have ups and downs as I always have. But I'm also feeling like I'm moving into a new phase for myself. A phase of just living my life. That maybe I don't need to stress about those last 30 some lbs that they will just come off when they are ready. I'm feeling ok about myself, I'm feeling like a healthy person. Sure I still have weight to lose and I do want it off but I've come to realize this past week that I'm tired of the stress of weight loss.

I'm on a different journey than most people. I'm a person that has been 378 lbs, I'm a person that lived my life at 340-350 lbs almost my entire life. So for me, 216 feels pretty darn great. It feels healthy to me, it feels like living. So I'm going to start thinking about all the things I want to do in my life, more physical goals and I'm not going to give these last 30 something lbs the power all those lbs gone had over me.

I think far to often that is the problem obese people have. They start allowing those lbs to be their prison instead of realizing the true power inside themselves. I know for me letting that real inner power take over showed me I had it in me all the time. I had it in myself to do anything I set my mind to. So here's to taking back your power and living the life you want to.

Till tomorrow...

Rainy Wednesday

Well no park for the kids and I today, it's raining still. I'm ready for some sunshine, maybe tomorrow. Will be a mud hole though so not sure we will go to the park or I will just take a walk down the road, we'll see.

I still have paperwork I'm avoiding. Will face it in awhile. I really need to get it done and in the mail by tomorrow.

My eating has still been good. I took a peek at the scale and I'm still around 215 so I was happy to see that. I'm looking forward to going to TOPS tonight, will be nice seeing everyone.

I'm feeling bored yet not wanting to do much lol. The kids are in their rooms since they were yelling and hollering at each other so I called a truce. Not sure why they get into it like that and then the girl cries like he's killing her and he calls her a sissy lol. Such is the life at our house.

I ended up napping last night from 7-10pm and then was up till 5am this morning. Went back to sleep till 9 and here I sit feeling like I could nap again. Maybe if the girl naps I will too.

Life without work is strange. I feel like I should be doing more but then another part of me has been enjoying the down time too.

I'm boring again today lol.

Till tomorrow...

Rainy Tuesday

I forced myself to stay up last night so I would get my sleep straight again. I ended up being a grouch to hubby, not sure why I do that. Probably just some PMS going on there lol.

Today I got up around 9am. It was to weird to have the house so quiet. The girl was in her room watching a movie and the boy was still snoozing. It was a good day with them over all other than a few disagreements between them which is the norm. I didn't do much of anything today just a little laundry and housework.

I have a bunch of paperwork stuff to sort out over the next few days. Hopefully I'll have everything finished and mailed off by the end of the week. I'm hoping next week will just be a relaxing week that feels like vacation *smile*. The kids do have a dentist appt on Monday but otherwise they will be in school and I will be home ALONE.

I did fine with food today. There's still more than half a cake but I haven't been tempted yet. I'll try to get the nephew to eat a bunch of it tonight. I made a big bowl of sugar free jello so the kids and I had a dish with a dollup of light cool whip. The girl said it tasted almost as good as ice cream lol. It was really good. I've never been much on jello but with cool whip it's pretty good.

Boy I'm boring today. Tomorrow my plan is to get a walk in if the weather is less wet. I also plan on going and weighing in at TOPS. Hubby said he doesn't want to face the scale but I think he should. He keeps saying he's going to get back to the gym but he hasn't went yet. My plan is to just walk my favorite road for a few more weeks. The doctor said no weight lifting for at least 6 weeks so I'm going to stick to that.

Till tomorrow...

Monday already

I think I woke up around 11:30pm last night but it could have been midnight. I ended up staying up all night. Hubby said he was going to wake me up after a few hours but ended up leaving me sleep. Probably a good thing really, it gave him and his mom and the kids time to hang out without me. Not that it would have been bad with me but it was her last night here and I'm sure she enjoyed her time with just them.

My mother-in-law headed out this morning around 7:15. My nephew took her to meet her stepdaughter for the drive back to Kentucky. She has a long day ahead of her. I hope it's a quick trip for them though it's about 10 hours.

My visit with her wasn't as good as I had hoped but not as bad as it could have been. Just sometimes we don't meld together as well as other times. Seems visits to her house go better. I'm sure part of it was just me not feeling all that good and taking things more personal. I usually let things roll off me better.

Anyway, I have the house back to just us and maybe I can relax and enjoy some down time. I got out and took a 2 mile walk today. I wrapped myself up with the ace bandage and it went pretty good. My knee was hurting a little but I'm sure that's because I haven't been taking my arthritis meds. I wasn't sure how they would do with the pain meds but I haven't taken any of those for several days now so think I need to get back to my knee meds.

Easter went good yesterday, we got up around 8 with the kids so they could have their baskets. Hubby did great with the basket stuff. He got all the candy I don't really like so there wasn't anything calling my name all day. I got the nephew's Birthday cake baked early and then we had the Easter egg hunt for the younger two. In the afternoon I made the lasagna and we had dinner around 5pm. All the standing in the kitchen had me pretty warn out so after playing some rock band with the family by 7 or so is when I ended up taking my marathon nap.

I've definitely got my sleep schedule all screwed up. Hopefully I can straighten it out this week. It will just be the boy and girl with me this week since the nephew goes back to school tomorrow. It will be nice just having us. Hopefully the girl and boy will not fight all week lol. Maybe it will be nice and sunny and we can go to the park or something one or two of the days. I'm allowed to drive after 2 weeks the doctor said so that's tomorrow.

My food yesterday wasn't as good as it had been but not super terrible. I did have a piece of Birthday cake and a big old square of lasagna with a few slices of garlic bread. It was all yummy and I totally enjoyed it. I felt good about my food considering how it could have went with all that's in the house. I'm hoping today goes as well with all the leftovers. Hopefully the cake will go quickly between the kids.

I've been putting away plenty of fiber but I'm still having bathroom issues lol. Not sure why everyone needs to know that but I'm sharing anyway.

Well I guess I better get off here.

Till later...

All caught up

I think I'm finally caught up with every one's blog. I am enjoying getting to read what's going on with everyone again after hit and miss for so many weeks. I really do appreciate every one's comments.

I'm doing ok still, been up and down mood wise but today feels like a good day.

I had several days of bathroom issues lol. It went from constipation to diarrhea to vomiting lol. Thankfully by yesterday I was back to regular. It feels good to be back to normal I'm hoping it will stay that way. I'm eating plenty of fiber so that should help.

Thursday my nephew took me to the doctors and I got my staples out, all 43 of them. It only pinched on a few of them so not so terrible. I also discussed with him about the appearance of my stomach. He said the roll above the incision was mostly fluids that would redistribute themselves with time. I have my doubts but such is life. It makes walking and standing for any length of time rough. He put a wide ace bandage around me and that did help a lot. I also bought myself a tight camisole which helped also. I think I just need to resign myself to having to wear something to hold it all in for awhile.

Yesterday I clearly over did it and was suffering for it. I must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed. In the morning I got into it with my nephew and so I stormed out the door for my first walk. It probably wasn't the smartest thing to do with only being post-surgery 10 days but I ended up taking a 2.5 mile walk. I did sit on the beach for at least 20 mins 1/2 way but it was clear it exhausted me. My incision ended up being a bit seepy after I got home so I showered, took a pain pill and rested several hours.

My mother-in-law wanted to go out to dinner last night so I mustered up the strength to go with the family. Afterwards everyone wanted to go to Target. I probably should have sat in the van but ended up going in. About 20 mins later my incision area was burning and I needed to sit down so I headed out to the van. By the time they all finally got back to the van I was snippy and so was my mother-in-law. We are very similar personalities and two women like us in a house together for a whole week is a bit much I must admit lol. I know she just tries to be helpful but sometimes it makes me feel like a crappy mother, wife, etc. I sure know I'm not perfect and neither are the kids.

So after we got back home I headed to bed which I figured was the best place for my grouchy, hurting self. Today I woke up with TTOM more than a week early so I'm sure that was part of my terrible mood shift too. First thing I did when I got up was give my mother-in-law a hug and tell her I was sorry for being so grouchy. So we made up and of course that made things feel better right off the bat.

Hubby made us a nice breakfast this morning and then him and his mom headed to the store for Easter basket stuff and groceries for Easter dinner for tomorrow. They have been gone for hours (think I hear them pulling up now). While they were gone I cleaned the kitchen and the kids and I did several loads of laundry so we got everything straight while they are gone. My energy is just about gone though so not sure how much help I'll be putting away all the stuff they bought.

Tomorrow is my nephew's 17th Birthday, it's so hard to believe he's that old. He's been with us since he was 11. I always cook whatever they want for their Birthday so he of course he picked lasagna as usual so we won't be having our usual Easter ham which is fine by me. I have lightened up the lasagna a bit but it will still be plenty fattening lol. I will just limit my portion and enjoy it. For dessert we will have 5 layer bars, and a mandrin orange cake with crushed pineapple cool whip topping. I'm not sure I'll have either of those. Tomorrow will definitely be a day of temptations and will power. Hopefully I will make it through ok. I told hubby to leave the basket candy in the van so I don't have to see any of it.

I did get on the scale and I'm down to 215. Not sure how that happened and won't count it officially. My plan is to try to at least go to TOPS to weigh-in on Wednesday.

Well not sure I'll be around tomorrow so Happy Easter to everyone!!!

Till later...

Doing Ok

Thanks everyone for your caring, thoughtful comments. I really appreciated what each of you had to say, many thanks.

I'm feeling ok today. I know recovery takes time and I need to just give myself that time and not rush things or feel upset about how I am right now. I'm trying to be grateful for everything I have in my life too.

I'm still in a bit of a funk but I'm trying my best not to let it put me in a black hole. I know it's only a matter of time before I'll be back to my old self, hopefully better self.

I know everyone said stay off the scale but I couldn't help myself. I thankfully am back down to 221.5 so very close to my all time low. I'm hopeful the scale will continue to fall and I will continue to get my energy back. I'm seeing small daily progress but it is painfully slow.

I'm eating really well and not feeling like I want to eat badly. I'm really enjoying fixing healthy meals all day.

Tomorrow I go see the doctor to have my staples out (all 39 of them). I'm still feeling very frankinsteinish but it is what it is and I know all that will take time to look better and heal up.

I've been having bathroom issues which is no fun but I'm hoping that will all be settled by tomorrow lol. I know TMI what can I say lol.

I've been working on paperwork for work and insurance stuff the past few days so at least I've had stuff to keep me busy.

Hubby bought me beautiful pink roses the other day and yesterday I received a beautiful bouquet of irises with balloons from two of my co-workers. I know I'm loved and cared about for sure.

My mother-in-law arrived on Monday and our visit has been nice. She made dinner for us last night and it was really nice sitting down and eating together, we really need to do that more. I think that's one thing with me being home that will be nice, eating meals together more often.

My kitties are loving me home too. My little Samma girl lays in my lap all day it seems and follows me around the house. My Sassy girl takes naps with me and they fight for my attention, it's so cute.

The nephew has been on spring break since Monday and the other two start their spring break tomorrow. So I better enjoy this last day of quiet lol. All the kids have been really great and very helpful.

Note to self: don't eat tons of fiber, drink milk of magnesia and take dulcolax all at the same time even if you haven't pooped for a week LOL.

Till tomorrow...

I"m a big old baby

I'm feeling sorry for myself today. The doctor said this would happen and to prepare myself. Then I went and weighed myself and I'm up to 228.5 which seems impossible since I haven't been eating much. I know I was on iv for several days though and I haven't pooped in a week lol. But I was bummed to see the scale up so darn high. I'm sure it's just my body trying to adjust to everything.

I feel like an invalid too. I can't seem to do much of nothing on my own. Just taking a shower wears me out. I'm feeling scared will I ever get back to my old self. Will I ever get back to my great workouts at the gym. The thought of not being able to lift weights for 6 weeks scares the crap out of me. It's like now it's all about eating less.

My surgery sight seems all rumbled up with my loose skin and fat too which has me freaking out. I had issues enough before surgery with my body now with all this I'm feeling gross. Hubby is trying to reassure me everything will go back to normal that I just have swelling there but I just don't know.

I don't feel like doing anything either. Just walking around the house seems like a huge chore and I'm walking like I'm 90, hunched over and slow as a turtle. I did sleep in my bed last night though which was nice because I was feeling so lonely out in the livingroom without hubby.

I woke up this morning with my leg hurting though and then kept wondering because I didn't wear the compression stockings did I have a blood clot or something. What kind of crazy thinking is that? I'm sure it's just because I've been stooping rather than bending so I won't hurt my stomach so my calf muscle is just hurting. I'm a basket case and I'm sick of myself. Thankfully I don't have a desire to eat over it which is good at least. I should have stayed off the darn scale though that seems to be what has me feeling worse.

Anyway, I'm a mess today mentally and physically. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be feeling better. My mother-in-law arrives so I hope I can put on a happy face for her. I'm trying to hold off taking pain meds today to every 12 hours, did every 8 yesterday. I know it's about giving myself time to heal. I know all the right things to say to myself it's just about believing them.

See told you I was a big old baby lol.

Well till tomorrow...

Home again

Thanks everyone for all the well wishes the other day. I really appreciate all of you here. I've missed reading about everyone. I'll try to catch up over the weekend.

I got home last night and I'm doing ok. There was a mishap at the hospital on Thursday when the doctor went to take out my drain and the tube broke. So I ended up back in the OR so he could fish that out. It set me back a little but not to much. I think the worse part was having to have a tube down my throat again for anetegia (sp?) which has made my throat hurt more. Boy I'm just full of complaints lol. Guess that means I am getting better lol.

I ended up sleeping in the recliner last night with a bunch of pillows because I couldn't get up in my bed (it's really high). I slept pretty good in spite of it all. At least I didn't have people coming in waking me up at all hours to take my vitals lol.

The doctor had a long talk with me yesterday about how wonderful he thinks my weight loss is and how he doesn't want this to set me back. I think he thought I was eating better all that time because of the bad gallbladder. I reassured him that I didn't plan on giving up my new life style.

My plan this week is to just rest and move around the house but by next week I would like to get out walking again at least. I haven't had any problems eating so far other than gas so just taking it nice and slow with the food. My goal is to eat little to no fat so I won't irritate anything. I was telling hubby last night how I really liked being on a time schedule for my meals at the hospital I think my plan is to be on a similar one here at home. At the hospital I would keep one or two things from each meal so I would have it for snack in between. It really worked well for me.

I haven't been on the scale yet but I'm guessing I'm probably about the same since I haven't had a BM in almost a week and I had so many fluids pumped into me. I figure I will weigh on Wednesday maybe at TOPS if I feel up to going. I think it will be a good thing for me to get out by then anyway.

My mother-in-law arrives on Monday. The hubby and kids haven't worked on much cleaning while I was at the hospital but I'm guessing they will this weekend. A part of me feels bad I can't help but another part is glad I don't have to stress over it lol.

It feels good to be home.

Till tomorrow...

Typing from my hospital room

Well it did end up open surgery. Something about old gangrene or something like that, lots of scar tissue and mess around the gallbladder. He had to get in there and clean it all out. My gallstone was egg size lol. But I'm doing ok.

I think the worse part was the darn tube down my nose till today around 11am. It was torture and definitely took all the focus off my surgery. To not have a drink of water after being used to drinking close to a gallon a day was torture too. I did have the little swabby thing though and eventually a few ice chips. I was celebrating today when the tube came out and I could finally have something. I never realized jello, broth, tea and juice could taste so good. I'm not sure when I can actually start eating but for now I'll take what I can get.

Hubby is the one that thought to bring me my laptop tonight. Evidently they have free wifi here so I can come read and blog to pass the time. I was feeling so tired tonight with no sleep last night but thought I would come and at least post a short one to let you all know I'm ok.

The kids got to come see me yesterday and today and were definitely much happier seeing me up out of bed tonight. I'm sure I was a fright to see last night with all the tubes everywhere. I still have an iv in but other than that I'm free to move around a little. So spent some time in the chair reading and watching some TV and made a few trips to the bathroom. Didn't realize how taxing taking a sponge bath would be lol but I managed ok with no assistance so that was my victory of the day.

Well I'll try to catch up on everyone's blogs tomorrow. Hope everyone is doing well. The doc says I will probably get to go home on Friday. I'm dreaming of some real food tomorrow lol. Not sure I'll get any but boy do some scrambled eggs sound good lol.

Till tomorrow...